The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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