I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Damn victory sex feels great
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
