You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
