I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
