Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
