Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Randomize
