My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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