I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
