I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
