I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
