Im at strip club and am horny
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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