Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
