Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
3 2 1 whiskey
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
