sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
