if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
