I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He passed out mid-signature
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
