Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
