He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
