You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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