I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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