dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
