I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
