I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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