home. puking in laundry basket.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
