I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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