You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
