Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
