we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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