Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
