shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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