Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
