please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
