I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
