Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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