just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
