it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
