I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
