I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
