i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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