hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
