all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
