Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
