So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
