Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize