Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
