he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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