being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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