i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
