i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
