i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
