Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
