I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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