I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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