Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
