Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
