Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Is Oprah even human
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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