I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
